Life as of lately has been extremely difficult....
Virgil Lewis Jr.
December 25, 1954-March 28, 2010
My Dad passed from this life on to a life eternal in Heaven with his son Mikey.
I have wondered for awhile what to say, because every time I venture to write this post, I freeze up and my heart aches. I look at the dash between his birth date and death date and I am angry. That little dash could never account for the life that he lived. It was a life full of strength, devotion, love and so much happiness. He was my best teacher. In fact he continues to guide my life. I have asked myself several times during these last few weeks what Dad would have thought or what might he do in a situation. He taught me to be strong and endure struggles, to square my shoulders and bear the burden. He also taught me in recent years about tears and struggles as I watched him grieve the loss of my brother. I think his heart never healed from that, he was broken and I didn't have the power to heal him. I wish with all that is inside my heart that I could have.
I would have loved to wake up and this was all just a dream. Maybe Mikey would be out in the garage with Dad and Lonnie and I would hear the familiar sounds their laughter as they teased and picked with one another. I would have loved to have my Dad there with me as we watched the boys become old enough to drive and take the camero out for the first time. Maybe we would have thrown a big party for Mom and Dad's 40th anniversary. Maybe we would have all packed into a car and drove up to Amanda's for the birth of her baby. That is how I had it all planned out in my head but that is not the plans that God had in store for us.
I know that His ways are not my ways and I am finding healing in knowing that He did not intend to hurt me with this. I think Dad asked God if He would take him. Dad often told me that he was ready to die and he wasn't afraid. Ever since he asked God into his heart and asked forgiveness of his sins, he had been at peace with death. He knew that his brother and his son were waiting for him in Heaven and he was happy thinking about the reunion.
I don't know how it all works once you get there but I can just imagine the hugging and rejoicing of such a sweet reunion between Mikey, Dad and Uncle Lonnie. Three men that loved each other beyond anything I've ever seen. So I do not morn for that part of Dad passing but oh how my heart aches for the hole that has been left in my life.
I loved him big and deep and I think when you love someone like that there is a root that grows deep into your heart. When they leave us and that root is pulled out...oh the hole that it leaves is painful and empty for a period of time.
I could say so much more, but my heart is aching as it is. I do believe that pictures say my words much better than anything I could type. My Dad bought a point and shoot camera after Mikey died and I believe he wanted to leave us special memories. So I'll leave you with these thousands of words he left me ♥
Posts
